Thankful

As we head into the season of thankfulness, I thought I would stop for a minute and capture some of the things that I am thankful for:

• To say I am thankful for the beautiful, sleeping girl in the other room is the understatment of the century. But since there really is no way to describe it - I will say that I am thankful for finally being able to mother one of my babies.


• I am thankful for the baby smiles I get all the time.


• I am thankful for the infectious laugh that she has and how it brings me to tears each and every time I hear it.


• I am thankful for all the snuggles I get from my baby girl.


• I am SO thankful to have the most amazing husband to share this experience with.


• I am thankful that Natalie has the best daddy in the world.


• I am thankful for 5 great years with a dog who adores life and has become such a huge part of our family - and I just pray that we get a lot more time with her.


• I am thankful that Matt and I both have great jobs with amazing co-workers.


• I am so thankful for the beautiful house we are in, the warm fireplace, and the very full refrigerator.


• I am thankful for a super handy husband who loves nothing more than making our house perfect and special for his family. I am so thankful that he is working so hard on our basement.


• I am thankful for all of the family members and friends that we miss so dearly.


• I am thankful that we get to spend two weeks with our family! I cannot wait!


• I am thankful for all of the new friends we have met in our new town and for all the people who are able to join us for Thanksgiving dinner.


• I am thankful for my sweet angel babies who have made me a better person in so many ways!


• I am so thankful that Matt is finally done with grad school! ;)


• I am so thankful for all of the incredible milestones we have met this year - a perfect baby girl, a cross-country move, becoming homeowner's, and a PhD, and most of all for having Matt walk beside me through all of it. After years of heartbreak - this year has definitely been the happiest year!

I hope you and your family have an amazing Thanksgiving! And I hope your "thankful" list is nice and long!!

A Weird Balance

As I sat in my glider last night, rocking with a little girl who just wanted to be held, all I could think about was how lucky I am to have moments like that. Two years ago today was the day that will be forever etched in my brain - our first due date. And as Natalie lay sleeping there, I kept thinking about how different things would have been IF... If Peanut hadn't been sick, If we didn't lose her... who would she have been? Would she have been anything like this spunky little snuggler in my arms? Now that we are more than 2 years out from losing our first little girl, some things have changed, some things haven't. I can still remember the smell of that doctor's room when we got the news, how the lights were really low and how we just trembled. I can remember the tears and the sleepless nights like it were yesterday. I can remember waking up every single morning for over a year with a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away. Yet, two years later (more so really), if you were to peak in our windows at any given point, the picture of our family looks like a happy one - and we are. Not a day goes by that I do not feel blessed to have our Natalie. Even on days like this last Friday when her and I were driving each other crazy - I still stopped every once in a while and looked at the girl who was squaking like a dinosaur and who wouldn't nap, and just smiled at her and kissed her (and then she would push me away! haha!)... knowing that these were the moments that I was desperate to have.

So today, on the two year anniversary of Peanut's due date.. all I can think is - how has it ONLY been 2 years, and how has it already been two WHOLE years... So much has changed, yet there are things that haven't - like how much I miss her.

Thank you Peanut for making me a mom, and thank you for making me the mom that I am. I think I have more patience because of you. Because of you I treasured those 3 am wake ups and the sleepless nights with a newborn. I can handle the fussy mussy little girl who comes out every once in a while because of you. Every day I remind myself of what I would have given for those moments with you, and I vow to keep my promise to you to never take those for granted. And when people refer to Natalie as a "little Peanut", I can now smile and think "Yep, she sure is!"

And thank you to those who remembered what today is.... you know who you are... and you know how much I love you. Thank you for loving me and ALL my babies!