Thankful

As we head into the season of thankfulness, I thought I would stop for a minute and capture some of the things that I am thankful for:

• To say I am thankful for the beautiful, sleeping girl in the other room is the understatment of the century. But since there really is no way to describe it - I will say that I am thankful for finally being able to mother one of my babies.


• I am thankful for the baby smiles I get all the time.


• I am thankful for the infectious laugh that she has and how it brings me to tears each and every time I hear it.


• I am thankful for all the snuggles I get from my baby girl.


• I am SO thankful to have the most amazing husband to share this experience with.


• I am thankful that Natalie has the best daddy in the world.


• I am thankful for 5 great years with a dog who adores life and has become such a huge part of our family - and I just pray that we get a lot more time with her.


• I am thankful that Matt and I both have great jobs with amazing co-workers.


• I am so thankful for the beautiful house we are in, the warm fireplace, and the very full refrigerator.


• I am thankful for a super handy husband who loves nothing more than making our house perfect and special for his family. I am so thankful that he is working so hard on our basement.


• I am thankful for all of the family members and friends that we miss so dearly.


• I am thankful that we get to spend two weeks with our family! I cannot wait!


• I am thankful for all of the new friends we have met in our new town and for all the people who are able to join us for Thanksgiving dinner.


• I am thankful for my sweet angel babies who have made me a better person in so many ways!


• I am so thankful that Matt is finally done with grad school! ;)


• I am so thankful for all of the incredible milestones we have met this year - a perfect baby girl, a cross-country move, becoming homeowner's, and a PhD, and most of all for having Matt walk beside me through all of it. After years of heartbreak - this year has definitely been the happiest year!

I hope you and your family have an amazing Thanksgiving! And I hope your "thankful" list is nice and long!!

A Weird Balance

As I sat in my glider last night, rocking with a little girl who just wanted to be held, all I could think about was how lucky I am to have moments like that. Two years ago today was the day that will be forever etched in my brain - our first due date. And as Natalie lay sleeping there, I kept thinking about how different things would have been IF... If Peanut hadn't been sick, If we didn't lose her... who would she have been? Would she have been anything like this spunky little snuggler in my arms? Now that we are more than 2 years out from losing our first little girl, some things have changed, some things haven't. I can still remember the smell of that doctor's room when we got the news, how the lights were really low and how we just trembled. I can remember the tears and the sleepless nights like it were yesterday. I can remember waking up every single morning for over a year with a knot in my stomach that wouldn't go away. Yet, two years later (more so really), if you were to peak in our windows at any given point, the picture of our family looks like a happy one - and we are. Not a day goes by that I do not feel blessed to have our Natalie. Even on days like this last Friday when her and I were driving each other crazy - I still stopped every once in a while and looked at the girl who was squaking like a dinosaur and who wouldn't nap, and just smiled at her and kissed her (and then she would push me away! haha!)... knowing that these were the moments that I was desperate to have.

So today, on the two year anniversary of Peanut's due date.. all I can think is - how has it ONLY been 2 years, and how has it already been two WHOLE years... So much has changed, yet there are things that haven't - like how much I miss her.

Thank you Peanut for making me a mom, and thank you for making me the mom that I am. I think I have more patience because of you. Because of you I treasured those 3 am wake ups and the sleepless nights with a newborn. I can handle the fussy mussy little girl who comes out every once in a while because of you. Every day I remind myself of what I would have given for those moments with you, and I vow to keep my promise to you to never take those for granted. And when people refer to Natalie as a "little Peanut", I can now smile and think "Yep, she sure is!"

And thank you to those who remembered what today is.... you know who you are... and you know how much I love you. Thank you for loving me and ALL my babies!

8 Months Old!

Oh my goodness - 8 months old already! Here are some highlights of what is going on in the world of Natalie:

• She is still a little bit of a thing - going to the doctor tomorrow for another weight check. We saw a nutrionist and they had us measure how much she is eating - and she is getting plenty! We just think she is little - but appreciate the extra care that all her docs take.





• Still not mobile, but that's OK. As much as I want her to start crawling, I do love being able to set her down and know that she will stay relatively put for a little while.



• She has a little play mat in the living room that she just loves playing on and dumping her toys all over. She is definitely into all of her toys and has her favorites.



• She also loves playing in her room - we try to switch it up every once in a while just for a change of scenery.



• She takes three naps a day - usually about an hour - 1.5 hours after she wakes up, then around 11 or noon she takes a 2 hour one, and then fights tooth and nail the third nap. But being awake from 1/2ish until 7 is just too much for a little one. She usually finally gives in. She is sleeping great at night - usually goes down at 7 and up around 6:30 or 7am. Sometimes wakes up once to eat, but not every night.



• Refuses to nurse anymore. :( Makes me sad. I am pumping, but she is on about half milk, half formula.





• Loves her baby puffs thanks to her BFF Jack. Has eaten cheerios too. Likes eating anything in her mesh paci thing. Prunes are her all time favorite food (crazy girl!). She gets oatmeal and fruit twice a day, and veggies for dinner. She also loves baby yogurt.



• She is in Kindermusik and really likes it. It is so neat watching her soak it all in and watch all the bigger babies crawl/walk around.



• She is still the light of our lives and when she laughs her deep belly laugh, it still brings tears to my eyes each and every time. I am so thankful for her - she is the best thing!!

Love you so much Natty Bug! Thank you for the best 8 months!!

We are finally moving into our new home tomorrow! We closed on our house today, but don't get the keys until tomorrow.

The movers cannot deliver our stuff until next Tuesday, but that means we will have plenty of time to get the carpets cleaned and spend the holiday weekend painting. No matter what - we are just excited to be in our new house, in our awesome new neighorhood. We cannot wait to explore the city more, meet our neighbors, and finally, finally get settled!

I will post pictures when we have them! :)

Welcome to Washington!

Well, after the longest week and a half ever, we are finally here! All four of us. Let's back up:

Last Monday: The packers came to pack up our stuff. They were awesome.
Last Tuesday: Still more packing and the driver stopped by to take apart random things in our house and start his inventory.
Last Wednesday: The driver and loaders were there to load up the house. All of our stuff was in the truck by 3:30!
Last Thursday: House and carpets cleaned
Friday: Completely out of our house and drove away from Dayton. It was weird, but we weren't really sad. The only sad part was that we were leaving Buggy's first home. We drove all the way to Peoria, and poor Matt, had to deal with breakdowns from both of his girls. The little one didn't like being in her car seat for that long, and this mommy didn't like the stress of everything going on that day. But, we made it, and we got to stay with some awesome friends, have dinner with them, and hang out and play games.
Saturday we headed out and the next stop was Omaha where two of our best friends live. We finally made it after only one of us having a breakdown (and no, it wasn't me this time) and a detour due to all the awful flooding going on in Nebraska. Ahhh....
Sunday we hung out with the Cotters and went out to breakfast and took the kiddos to the zoo. They both did fantastic. We had another nice dinner at the Cotter's house - it was so nice to be spoiled and not have to eat out for every meal.
Monday morning Matt left bright and early while Buggy and I stayed behind to play with the Cotter's. I had to work all day, but it was fun watching the kiddos play in between my calls. They are so darn cute together!
Tuesday we were still at the Cotter's while Matt was dealing with all the mountains, a car that was way too overloaded, and a mortgage broker who refused to return our calls. Needless to say, he did not have as much fun as we did. I had to work again, but during lunch we took the kids to Gymboree class. So much fun!!! Wish we had one here in Spokane. Courtney came home early from lunch and her and I worked together at the table for a while - it was great! I don't know what I would do without that girl!
Yesterday was our big travel day - we headed to the airport and had two flights to concur. Buggy did fantastic considering she only slept for about 40 minutes of each flight. We finally made it to Spokane, went to see our house (LOVE, LOVE, LOVE) and ran a bunch of other errands. Natalie crashed around 5 Pacific time, and I wasnt too far behind her. Matt made fun of me, but understood when she got up at 4:30 this morning ready to start our day. Next goal is to get her used to this new time zone!

As for our house- it still isn't ours. We were supposed to close yesterday but for really annoying reasons and things that are out of our control, we didn't. So, we continue to bug our lender on an hourly basis and will hopefully be in our house by this time next week. We are living in temporary housing - which is really nice! A nice house all to ourselves - two bedrooms, laundry room, full kitchen, completely furnished, right on base and right next to the hospital that Matt now works at (today was his first day at his new job and he was going in as Dr. Matthew!!!). So, I was up working since 5 this morning and am now ready to crash.

I will update with pictures soon. My camera is just alllll the way over there and I am over here, and it just seems to exhausting to me right now. :)

Love from Washington!

6-Month Well Check

Natalie had her 6-month doctor's appointment on Tuesday. She is now down to the 3rd percentile in weight.... such a small little butter bean. She weighs 13lbs 2 oz - has not doubled her birth weight. She is 26 inches long.

The doctor is trying to figure out if she is a "silent" reflux-er. As in - she has acid reflux but doesn't show any of the normal signs and that is why she isn't gaining as fast. She had some labs drawn and they all came back normal. My thought is - she is just a little thing. But, we are adding formula to her bottle and feeding her solid food twice a day now. I felt like that is all I got done yesterday - feeding her! haha!

Otherwise, she is doing great. Meeting all of her milestones and being a generally happy, sweet baby girl. She loves to cuddle, she loves to play, laugh, and watching her doggy. She gets so excited with Daddy gets home by flailing her arms and legs all around and smiling from ear to ear. It's like her whole body is saying "YAY!!!! DADDY IS HOME!" So cute!

We go back in for weight check next month. Hopefully this formula thing is going to put a little weight on her... will keep you posted! :)

First Wedding

Natalie went to her first wedding this weekend and she did SO great! She usually gets pretty overwhelmed in situations like that, but she was a smiley little thing and letting anyone and everyone hold her, snuggle her, play with her, and dance with her. Thank you Marissa and Paul for inviting us and our little girl to your beautiful day!

We spent the rest of the weekend with Matt's family and had a great time. Natalie even tried the walker for the first time, but as you can see - not so much of a fan quite yet! Poor little thing! Not quite sure how she is moving! haha!

(Does the video work??)

This is our last "normal' week in Ohio - next week starts the madness of the packers coming, movers and then finally, closing our day on Dayton forever. I cannot believe how fast this year went.

6 Months Old

I know - I suck at blogging.... I promise I will try to keep it up. Especially now that we are two weeks away from moving allllllllllllllllllllll the way to the other side of the country.

Our baby girl turned 6 months old yesterday. I was remembering when I was crying that she turned 6 WEEKS, now we are talking months! I finally in the last month feel like we are getting some sort of order down - I won't say routine because I don't think there is such a thing with a baby - but we have some sort of patters down. And Matt and I actually are getting a few hours to ourselves in the evening and we even stay up for a little while after she goes to bed! Brace yourself! :)

Little Natalie Buggy Bug is getting so big (although, not big enough according to the docs). She is a petite little thing and they want her to add some more weight on. We are trying! A few weeks ago she started "eating" solid food... See what I mean by "eating"

She is a pro at rolling over to her tummy, but Lord help that child - she cannot get back to her back. She is constantly rolling in her crib and then gets mad when she gets "stuck." She CAN roll to her back - she just doesn't like it. I think it scares her. She is now sleeping on her side/tummy a lot more, which freaks me out and I go in there constantly to make sure she is still breathing.

She can put her paci in her mouth all by her little ol self - which I love! She absolutely loves playing with her exersaucer - I call it her "desk" cause she works there while Mommy works. We also call it her poop chair because it never fails to get her to fill her diaper.

She adores her dog and just lights up when she comes strolling into the room. They have a little love fest every morning where Chey will lay on the ground with her or stand next to her exersaucer and Bug touch her and then she will kiss all over her.

She is constantly giggling at her daddy - Daddies are so funny!

She lights up our life so much! I don't know what we ever did without her.

We will be leaving Ohio in two weeks, but we are definitely taking the best thing that ever came out of Ohio with us! And while I know our families are super sad that we are leaving, and we are sad to be so far away from them, it is exciting to be going on such an adventure with our little family. It feels so "adult" in a world where I still feel like I am playing house. But it is going to be exciting to move into the house that Bug will take her first steps, say her first words, and reach all sorts of milestones.

And I promise, if anyone is still out there, that I will update more! :)

Gotta go make sure my tummy sleeper is still breathing. :)

xoxo

Memorial Weekend

This was one of the very few weekends where we are home and by ourselves (except for Friday). It was a fantastic weekend!

Thursday night, Matt graduated from his residency - although the ceremony was early because he isn't really done until the end of August. It was a super nice ceremony and his mom got to come to it. She got such a kick out of all of us moms corralling all the kids. :) I love the groups of ladies that I am friends with here! I am going to miss them so darn much come September.

Friday we went out to breakfast and hung out at home while Natty slept lots. Then Matt and I headed out to a winery to celebrate 5 years of marriage (early - our anniv. is June 10th). It was so nice. Made me realize even more how much I miss him!! It was nice to go for a long drive with him and drink some wine, have dinner, and hang out on the grounds of the winery.

Saturday we had a low key day - I didn't sleep all night because of this darn cough I have and Matt was getting our cold, so we just kind of chilled. It was also a day spent remembering our first daughter and reflecting on who she would have been if she hadn't been so sick...

In honor of Peanut, Natty wore her "Peanut" shirt.

Sunday we went out to lunch, did some shopping, then I dropped Matt and Natty off and finished up Matt's birthday shopping.

Yesterday we took a walk early in the morning cause it is so darn hot here, and then we hung out for a while. Bug and I went to Meijer while Matt worked and then we all headed to the pool for a bit. Natty seemed to like it as she didn't cry or fight going in the water. She is so laid back when she is content - but when she is hungry, has a wet diaper, or is tired, watch out. :)

Tomorrow is Matt's birthday and this weekend us girls are heading to Michigan for a few weeks while Matt is at training. I am going to miss him so much, but it is going to be great to see everyone!!

Two Years

How has it possibly been two years since our first baby girl went up to heaven? Some days it seems like just yesterday, other times it feels like it was another lifetime ago. We miss her every day. Every single day. Now that I have finally made it sucessfully through a pregnancy and brought a little baby into this world and home, it makes me even sadder about how very sick my first little girl was. I am still, to this day, so very thankful for her. She is still teaching me things. I remind myself every day how much I prayed for those 3am feedings, the screaming baby in my arms, all of these hard moments we have had in the last 4 months. Peanut still teaches me to love those moments, even when they are hard, when I am crying too cause I just can't get Bug to go to sleep or stop crying... but every time that happens, I stop, look at her, and thank God that she is here. I thank God for giving me two babies before Bug to teach me how to love and cherish each and every moment and milestone. And to realize what a miracle all three of my babies are.

I still have nightmares of the day we lost our little girl. If I think about it - it all comes back, the smell of the doctor's office, the look on their faces at all those excruciating appointments, the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, I remember it all like it was yesterday. And I also still remember the look on Matt's face that very first time I tolk him I was pregnant, pregnant with our Peanut. She has given us moments we will never forget, good and bad... all of which changed us forever.

We love you sweet little girl. Every day! Thank you for the life lessons, thank you for Bug, thank you for coming into our lives, even if it was for a very short 15 weeks. I hope you are happy up in Heaven! Someday, we will meet.

We love you so very much!
Love, Mommy

Mother's Day

For the first time in 2 years, I had a fantastic mother's day - even if the thought of the last two mother's days was constantly in the back of my head. This was my first mother's day with a baby in my arms instead of in my belly or in my heart.

My husband and baby girl spoiled me. We had a great great weekend - our first weekend without company or going somewhere in a LONG time. Saturday baby girl was up bright and early so we got a ton done! We went out to breakfast, then went to the farmer's market and to a greenhouse to get all my flowers. Matt planted all those when we got home while Natty and I took a nice long nap. It had been a long week as it was the first week that she consistently slept in her crib, but not without waking up a bunch and getting up super early. Sunday morning we were up early again and hung out in the morning. They gave me my presents - a super cute picture frame, a snapfish book of my baby girl, lots and lots of tulips, and a gift certificate for a hot stone massage (which I had on Monday and there is no going back - it was AWESOME!). We then went out for a super yummy brunch and then to Meijer. Baby girl was exhausted so she took a nice long nap while Matt and I made some food for the week. Then we grilled out and went to bed early. Great day!!

May is always a hard month for me since losing my Peanut and Mother's day was always a reminder of what we didn't have... but this year, while I still miss my P & P terribly - I felt so very blessed to have a growing, healthy baby girl in my arms. I live for her smiles and her giggles and she sure gives me lots of them!!

I hope you had a great mother's day too - and for those that may not appear to be mommies to the outside world, I hope you found some peace on Sunday as well. Even if your baby isn't in your arms or walking around in the world somewhere - you are still, and always will be, a mother!

Milestones

My little girl needs to slow down - but I honestly love each and every milestone she meets. When we were walking thru the airport on our way to DC, she giggled at her daddy for the first time! Since then, her big cousin had her laughing up a storm, and so has daddy and grandma. Mommy tries so hard and she will every once in a while. We sat her in her bumbo for the first time this weekend and she seemed to love it. We noticed this weekend that she is trying to pull herself up into a sitting position. Every time we hold her or prop her up, she doesn't rest her head anymore, she is just constantly pulling. This morning she spent about 10 minutes in our bed doing baby sit-ups! She has really great neck control too... so big.

I have many favorite moments with my little girl throughout each day, but two of my absolute favorites are when I walk into her room in the morning to get her up, she looks and me and gives me the BIGGEST smile! I love that she wakes up happy, and happy to see me! And when I put her in bed, after feeding her, rocking her, and she is sound asleep - I transfer her to the swing (yes, she is still sleeping in her swing!), she usually wakes up during this process. And while I am shushing her back to sleep, she will stop wiggling for a second, look at me, and give me another great big ol baby girl smile. I can't help but laugh at her and smile and goo back - even though I know I should keep things quiet as she is falling asleep. Shortly after though, she is sound asleep. I love that my little girl falls asleep happy too! It is such a great way for me to start my day, and end my day - with the smiles of a girl I love more than life.

12 weeks this Friday! How is that possible!

Whew - what a week

Baby girl is 9 weeks old today and has had quite the week! Friday she had her weird eye/arm episodes, we didn't see it after that though! Monday she had her 2 month well-check. She was doing great. She weighed 10lbs 4 oz (she gained 2 ounces since Friday!!). She was supposed to get her vaccines too, so we headed down to the immunization clinic, but she was only 59 days old, and had to be 60 (yes, I am serious)! So, we headed back on Tuesday. She did great, but of course cried during the shots. But then was done. We walked around the hospital with daddy for 15 minutes to make sure she wouldn't have a reaction, and then headed home. She was achy that night, her little legs hurt her. But she slept great! Weds was the first day with her babysitter, and it was rather rough on me. Even though I was just upstairs, I missed her!! I am kind of rethinking the babysitter thing, but am going to give it a few weeks before I make a decision. So far, she sleeps plenty during the day that allows me to get my work done. (Speaking of work, my boss called me on Monday to welcome me back and to tell me that they are going to make sure I don't have to travel much!! Isn't that awesome?! I almost cried I was so excited!) Anyway, after the babysitter left, Natty was sleeping on my lap while I was finishing up some work and she felt warm. I took her temp and it was 100.7 - which doesn't seem high, but for babies under 3 months, anything over 100.4 means a call to the doc. So, I called and they had us go to Dayton Children's (even though we were all sure it was cause of the vaccines, because of her weird Friday thing, they wanted her checked out). This was SO hard! She had to have her blood drawn and they took forever to find a vein - meanwhile she was being pinned down, crying her eyes out. I was bawling too. Thank God calm Matt was there to take care of his two girls. I wanted to rip her off that table and run out of their, punching the techs before I left for hurting my little girl! Then they couldn't get enough blood out of her that way, so had to do a pin prick... more crying from both of us. THEN they had to do a catheter to get some urine to see if she had a UTI, and then a chest x-ray. By this point, I had had it.... and so had she. Luckily it had all come back clear. The docs were all really nice and we were SO glad they didn't want to do a spinal tap (although, not sure we would have let them). We headed home and crashed. Her fever broke that night... .sigh. I felt such guilt about making her go through so much, and still do. I have nightmares about her screaming in pain - it was awful! Yesterday I cancelled the babysitter and spent the day cuddling with my little girl while I worked. We took a walk, hung out for a big with the new neighbors, and had bath time. A much needed day at home! She is supposed to go to a follow-up appt today, but I am going to see if that is absolutely necessary, cause we are sick of doctors right now! On a side note - she has been sleeping 9 hours straight for the last 3 days in a row. Not sure if this is a new trend, or because of all she has been through. I, of course, haven't slept that much because at the 6 hour mark, I have to pump and then I am up worrying that she is OK or if I should wake her up to eat..... being neurotic is exhausting!! Hoping for a much better weekend/week next week. Her Papa and Gigi are coming to see us on Saturday and we can't wait and then we are off to DC! :)

Two Months!

OK, you are going to grounded for not listening to your mommy and daddy - we want you to stay little forever, but you just keep getting bigger and bigger!

My sweet baby girl is 2 months today. Amazing to think about - it feels like forever, yet, I know that it is no time at all. But I can't remember my life without her.

She is an incredibly sweet, content, happy little girl. She has a few fussy times during the day/evening which consist of belting out a whine or two, and then she is done. She loves her swing and loves to be held. She also loves her pacifier and just this weekend started really sucking on her little fist. Although sometimes she will accidentally choke herself (she hasn't figured out that she can move her hand out of her mouth!). Her eyes are getting bluer and her fuzz is getting a little darker and a little longer. She still loves her baths and it is one of my favorite times of the day. Daddy does the bath and then mommy does the baby massage. She is sleeping really well for the most part - she will go down anywhere between 9 and 10 and sleep 6-7 hours, up to feed and quick change and back asleep for 3 hours, and does that again. Then she is up for a while in the morning and afternoon and evening. We spend our time flirting with each other and she learns how to smile (most beautiful smile ever!), playing with her little toys (ok, I play with them, she looks at me funny), trying to do tummy time (she hates it), talking about all the things she sees, reading books, dancing, etc. She is starting to coo now too so we have little conversations. I just love talking with her!!

She is the best thing that has ever happened to us and we fall more in love each day. We feel so very blessed and are not taking a single minute (even the ones at 3am!) for granted.

Happy 2 months sweet baby girl - best two months of our lives!

We love you more than anything!

The Adventure Begins... (In August)

We found out yesterday that we are going to be moving to Washington State!!! We are so excited, and a little nervous. While it wasn't our top choice, the more I think about it, I think I am more excited about this spot than if we would have gotten a different one. So, come August, we will be heading West - way way way West! Our families are not that happy with us right now, but we are trying to convince them that it will be an awesome place to visit. It looks just beautiful out there, and will be very different than Michigan/Ohio - which is what we want. At least for a little while. I am sure once we get out there we will miss seeing our family a ton, but it is only for a few years, and will give our little family a chance to really branch out and explore on our own. We will have to depend on only each other, which is scary, and oh so nice! I am so excited to explore a new part of the country and have different scenery - like mountains! We can't wait to get out there and house hunt and see what the city is all about! We won't be moving until the end of August so we have some time, but I also know that time will be flying! Speaking of, we have lots of exciting things coming up - visits from both grandparents, heading to DC for a conference with baby in tow, seeing our BFFs in DC, seeing our other BFFs from Nebraska when they come to visit us, our neice's first communion and dance recital, Matt graduating from the AF internship and *hopefully* from Western as well, and if that is the case, then a graduating celebration, spending time at our parent's cottage, and then the summer begins! haha!

Moving... Again?!

Welcome to the Air Force life! It has totally NOT sunken in yet that we will be moving in 6 short months... oh wait, now it is 5 short months! ahh! Matt has been busy all weekend ranking the 25 open positions for psychologists in the AF... there are some awesome spots, and not so awesome spots. We are just hoping for one of our top 5 spots and not the bottom 5... .We have heard that we are supposed to find out March 31st. That is just crazy to me and has totally not sunken in. We are just getting used to our new house, neighborhood, community, and state.... and there is so much we haven't done yet! And the weekends are going to go fast. So, I thought I would start a bucket list of things we want to do before we move:

• Zoos - both Cincinnati and Columbus
• Visit Kentucky - heard it is just beautiful
• Hang out with one of our best friends who lives a short hour away, yet we have only seen him twice since we moved here.
• Hang out with our newfound AF friends as much as possible, because we are going to miss them dearly, and they are truly one of the best parts of living here (and a big reason why I am so much in denial about moving!)
• Visit the football hall of fame (eh) and the Longaberger basket factory store (yes, please!)
• Go to the Oregon district and explore it a little more
• Meet one of my favorite families in Indy (halfway for both of us)...cannot wait for that one!
• Go to Jungle Jim's (Joe's?? something like that) - recommended by Steph that we have to go to it... not sure I have the name right, but I know what I am talking about.
• ...more to be added...

If I come out of my denial enough to actually pay attention on March 31st, I will be sure to update about where our journey is taking us next.... this next time, with a lot more furniture (baby furniture!), a lot more pink, and a couple of extremely happy hearts that we get to take our little dream with us!

First Cold

We took our first trip to the doctor today for something other than well-baby visits. Because I have an un-well baby. :( Yesterday, Bug started gagging a lot and choking, which of course freaked me out!! Her sleep has been kind of off too since Tuesday. So, in we went today, and come to find out she does have a cold (although her lungs are perfectly clear) and she also has thrush. Poor little thing. The doctor thinks the cold is going to get worse before it gets better, but she has been doing better today than she was yesterday. So, hopefully that is a good sign. We can't do much for the cold besides saline drops and the stupid nose sucky thing (which I swear doesn't really work). There is a decongestant that we can get, but the doctor doesn't want us using it unless she isn't eating. For the thrush we have to do a cream for me, and drops in her mouth 4 times a day. Poor thing. She is doing OK though! Been napping on and off all day and just wants to be held until she is completely asleep, which is OK with this mommy who loves her snuggles more than anything!

I just hate that my little girl is sick though.... hoping she is better ASAP!

Big Weekend

Our little Bug had a big weekend being the center of attention. We headed to Michigan for the first time. My grandmas were dying to see her, but didn't want to travel with the yucky weather that could spring up at any minute.. so we packed up and went to them. We saw so many more people than we thought we would! We got to my grandma's house and my parents, brother and sis-in-law, aunts and uncles, cousins, my other grandma... all were there to hang out and meet our little girl. It was great! We felt so incredibly loved. Although the only downside was we didn't get to hold her as much as my mom was hogging her for most of Saturday! haha!

Sunday, on the way home, we stopped in to see Matt's sister and our niece and had lunch with them. I wish we could have stayed longer - but we had to get back so Matt could go to work today.

Knock on wood - she has been doing great sleeping lately. Friday and Saturday night she slept for 6 hours straight each night! Last night she fell asleep at 8 and I figured it wouldn't last, but since Matt was at work, I figured I would try to put her down and at least close my eyes for a little bit...well we both woke up at midnight! Good girl! She was up for a while after that, but only because she had an upset tummy and threw up so we had to get us cleaned up... but then she slept for 3 more hours, ate, then 3 more hours, and she is back asleep now.

It was such a great weekend and we were so glad we could go see everyone. We won't be able to just get in the car and go visit for a weekend for much longer - as we will be packing up and moving this August again (location TBD!)... so I am so glad we could go and enjoy family more frequently while they are so close.

One Month

Our little girl is one month old today. That is impossible for me to wrap my brain around. This month has flown!! I am going to take some 1 month pictures of her tonight, so will post those when I have them, but in the meantime, here is what she is up to and her likes/dislikes:

• She loves her swing. She still sleeps in it for part of the night on most nights. Not a huge fan of the bouncy seat but will sit in there long enough for me to get a super quick shower.
• She is starting to recognize us I think. I love that!
• She still eats like a champ. Usually is going 3 hours in between feedings, except for in the evenings when she eats every hour. She had a few nights this week where she went 5 hours in between feedings!
• We just moved her up to size 1 diapers and she is starting to out grow her newborn clothes. :(
• She is starting to stay awake more during the day, just hanging out and looking around. We read books and I try to get her to play with little toys, but nothing yet! haha! She is not a huge fan of tummy time and I really need to do more of that.
• She LOVES her baths! We have given her about 3 real baths since her umbilical cord fell off a few weeks ago.
• She loves her BabyBjorn and is sleeping in it right now. She just loves to be held! Which this mommy doesn't mind (except when I really have to go to the bathroom!).
• She is the greatest thing that has ever happened to us! And while we are sleep deprived and sad when she is crying, we are truly blessed. She is such a great baby and melts are hearts on a daily basis.

Visitors!

Our little girl has been spoiled with all the people who want to meet her! She has had a bunch of visitors, both in the hospital and once we got home. Here are some pics of some of her wonderful visitors. We feel so blessed that our baby girl is so loved!

My dear friend here in Ohio, Natalie, meets baby Natalie and brings her a ton of super cute head bands!

One of my very BFFs, Stacy falls head over heals in love!

Uncle Michael - slightly afraid of how tiny she was at first! So cute!


Grandma Gigi comes to stay for a few days.


Uncle Joel - another dear Ohio friend with his baby girl Abbie.

Jessica - my other great Ohio friend with Abbie. Jessica, Natalie and I were all pregnant when we moved here! And our babies were born on the 3rd, 4th, and 5th - easy to remember those monthly milestones!

Grandma, Grandpa, and Molly came for a visit (Grandma stayed for a week and was a huge help!!)! I am surprised baby girl didn't end up in the car with them when they left.

All of Matt's fantastic siblings and niece came to visit while we were in the hospital. Matt's step mom came too (she is the one taking this picture!).

Jessica visited us in the hospital too (so did lots of others but apparently we were too tired to take pics of everyone).

Aunt Lisa and Big Cousin Emily!

Papa and Granddaughter! Papa and Gigi drove over 3 hours each way just to meet her on the day she was born. What a lucky little girl!

Grandma Gigi meets Granddaughter

We also got visits from Matt's coworkers while at the hospital. And we have even more visitors scheduled for March. She is one lucky little girl to be loved by so many. And we are so lucky to have such wonderful people in our lives!

Doing Great

I am having the hardest time getting on the computer lately. It is just so hard to put this cutie pie down long enough to get anything typed out. (Daddy is holding her right now!) We are doing great though. She is still eating like a champ and sleeping pretty well. She has been sleeping downstairs in her swing while one of us sleeps on the couch. However, last night I brought her up at around 3am and put her in her bassinet and there she slept until 9am (with a feeding in the middle and me waking her up to say goodbye to our BFFs). She is getting bigger, but I am pretending that isn't happening. She had a big weekend with her umbilical cord falling off Saturday and her first big girl bath today. She did great in the bath - didn't cry at all! She liked dangling her feel in the water (she sits in this hammock type thing in her little bath tub). She only fusses when she needs something - except for a little each evening. But overall, she is a very content baby. Right now she is sitting in daddy's lap with her pacifier just starring off into space. I think we fall in love with her more each day! And we are amazed each day that we made this little miracle.

Natalie also had her newborn baby photo shoot this week and we can't wait to see the pics. She has had her two week doctor's appt and it went great. She had already gained back her birth weight! What a big girl!

And here is what you have been waiting for - pics! (In reverse order because I just don't have the energy to move them around! haha!)

Right after her bath today.

Getting her first bath!

First trip out of the house to the mall on Friday (we lasted only about 30 minutes before I got neurotic about the number of germ infested teenagers that were taking over the mall on a Friday night and made us come home!)

Haha - love that face!

So happy. So tired. Our first week home.

Meeting the puppy for the first time!

Love at first sight!!!

One proud daddy if I have ever seen one!

She's here!!! All 7lbs, 3.9 oz of her!

She's Here!

How appropriate that my 100th post is about the arrival of our little girl! I am trying my hardest to remember all the details, but may not get them all right.

Last Wednesday (how was it been over a week) we went out to a nice dinner and waited not-so-paitently for 8:00pm to arrive so we could head to the hospital. We got checked in and settled in our room. The IV was started and I had a foley bulb catheter inserted to help me dilate. Then we pretty much just settled in for the night and tried to sleep. Sometime in the morning (I think around 8am) I was dilated enough where the catheter could be removed. And then the pitocin was started. We lucked out and got the one telemtry unit so that we could walk the halls all day- although there wasn't very far to go. So, we walked and walked and walked. I started to have strong contractions around 4:00. I finally gave in and got an epidural around 6:30. I didn't think I was going to survive past that point! haha! The epidural experience was interesting. During the middle of it - the power went out (they were doing generator checks) and our room got dark for a few seconds. Not fun when you are told to hold perfectly still!! And then they got a wet tap - which is where some of my spinal fluid leaked out. I got the wonderful news after the fact that I was not at a higher risk for a spinal headache - which is the worst headache of your life. The epidural was heaven though, and we were able to settle in for a while. Unfortunately, it started to wear off around midnight (I think) and I was ready to just have them wheel me back into the OR and get her out. The poor nurse and Matt - they had to put up with a lot during that time. But the anesthesiologist came and upped the dose and gave me something else too. Unfortunately, they should have checked me first because the reason I was in so much pain was because I went from 5cm (pretty much how I was alllll day) to 10 in the matter of a few hours! But at that point, I was so numb that they needed the epidural to wear off a little before I could push. So, we waited. It was then time to do some practice pushes and the nurses got the bed ready and we were making some progress. There was a lovely lady next door to us screaming her head off (they said that she was only at the pain level that I was at when the foley fell out - which to me was mild cramping. But to each their own). It made for a nice distraction though! haha! Well, at this point it was about 2am and the doctor popped his head in and asked for the nurse. Apparently the screamer couldn't take it and was needing a c-section ASAP, so we had to STOP pushing! And they put the bed back together. It was so disappointing. They also stopped my pitocin. About 2 hours later the docs came back and they were ready to get our little girl out. At this point though, her heartrate was dropping some and they were getting concerned.. so they were threatening vacuum or forceps. Since they had stopped my pitocin, my contractions were few and very far between. So, they upped that and got me started again... And finally we were ready to go! It only took about 7 or 8 pushes and I got that little one out - but it took forever because we just had to chill in between each contraction. Haha! Akward!

She arrived on 2/4/11 at 5:53 am. She weighed 7 lbs 4 oz and 19.9 inches long. And she is perfect!! She got a 10 on her second apgar, and has no jaundice what so ever.

The rest of the weekend was a whirlwind of visitors, doctors, nurses, tests, etc. I also got an awful headache and had to see every anesthesiologist in the hospital to figure out if it was a spinal headache. We were discharged on Sunday and came home.... now what?! :) It was a great night though and we loved having her all to ourselves. My mom came on Monday and is staying till Sunday to help out. It has been great. On Tuesday, I finally couldn't take the headache anymore and went to the ER. They found that I had an infection and was severely dehydrated. I am just today starting to feel better. And I am so happy that it wasn't a spinal headache!

Otherwise - we are just busy feeding, changing, loving, and snuggling. There is really nothing better in life. I find myself just smiling. Even when it is 3am and we are awake - there is nothing better. I have never been so happy in my life. Or more in love with such a tiny little thing. She is just precious and such a good little baby. She is eating like a champ and a pretty darn good sleeper. Oh I just love her so much!! And I love watching Matt with her. That was such a great part after labor when they were doing their thing on me and getting her all cleaned up. I was in awe of how in love Matt is with her - his face was priceless. And I know I will cherish that memory for the rest of my life. Daddy seeing his daughter for the first time and falling head over heels.

She's stirring, so I will post pictures later... :)

STILL Here!

The ultrasound last week went great. The tech said she was looking great and measuring right on. She had lots of fluid to swim around in still too, which is good. She estimated her to be around 7.5-8lbs, but I would be surprised if she were any bigger than that. I think they overestimate on those things. She also said she thinks she has a good amount of hair.

She was very scrunched in there, but we got to see her kicking herself in the head, sticking her tongue out, swallowing, moving her eyes around, all sorts of fun things.

I was supposed to have another doctor's appt today but it got cancelled due to all the ice we have. So, if all goes as planned (ie, they don't reschedule us because they are full), we will head to the hospital tomorrow night to start the induction process. I didn't sleep very well last night cause the nerves are starting to creep in.

But, I get to take naps today, and Matt has the day off due to the base being closed! So, our last day home alone and he is here! How great is that?

Wish us luck and we will post her info as soon as we know it. Please pray for a healthy, healthy, healthy baby and safe delivery!

Due Date Day

Wow - I seriously never thought this day would get here with a wiggler still in my belly. I had so much hope, but so many worries. And here we are - 40 weeks pregnant!!!

40 weeks of worry, of stress, of joy, of cute lil baby ultrasounds, of a million prayers., a million hopes and dreams.....

Some people may be questioning why I am getting induced next week if she doesn't come before and why I am not waiting until 42 weeks... well, to be honest, a lot of it is for my sanity. I can do one more week, but another week after that (knowing that things can start going wrong the closer you get to 42 weeks) may just set me over the edge. So, to be honest, I am really rather OK with getting induced next week. No, it is not ideal and I still hope she comes on her own. But at least I know one week from today, we are going to be working on getting her here, or she may be here (although I doubt it) by now! No matter that, no matter the route, I need this girl in my arms and I need her to be healthy and safe. And if that means spending some extra time in the hospital or giving her a little boost to get her booty in gear, then so be it. I am so over pregnancy fears and worries and really ready for a new set of worries to deal with. I want to be able to put my hand on her chest to make sure she is breathing, I want to be able to look at her, hold her, love her on the outside of me!!

Daddy had a talk with her this morning to tell her that today is the day - some come on out! I hope she listens to him!

Happy Due Date Day to Us little girl!!! You are soooooo close to being in our arms!

PS - I just wrote this big long post and realized I never updated from my appt on Tuesday. Well here is the short of it: my BP was a little high on Tuesday, I am still only dilated to 1 cm, but the doctor attempted to strip my membranes. He couldn't do as much as he wanted, but he said he "stirred some things up" and I have been having spotting ever since (which, this time, is actually OK!). They measured my belly again, and the last two weeks, my measurements have been all over. But that is because I have had three different people measure me. Last week it was 39cm, this week, a student measured and I was at 38cm, then the doc did it and it was 36cm... none of these people are my regular doctor. I have been 2 weeks behind this whole pregnancy (due to many possible reasons - baby being little, being breech, being diagonal, or my ab muscles being tight (apparently....), different people measuring differently, baby dropping some, etc.).. so anyway, I have to have an ultrasound today to make sure she is still growing OK in there. And then we talked about induction - and if she doesn't come before, next Weds night I will head into the hospital and they will begin the process. So, less than a week and we get this ball rolling.

In the meantime - prayers needed that today's ultrasound goes well and she is still doing great in there.

"Oh Wait..."

A year ago today we found out our second pregnancy, our second baby, didn't make it past 7 weeks. To be honest, this is a weird place to be in today - being 2 days away from my due date with baby number 3. And remembering so clearly the moments of a year ago.

We went into the doctor for a regular appointment. They offered an ultrasound, which was our second with this baby. We had already seen the little heart beating away 2 weeks earlier. Leading up to this appointment though, I kept telling Matt that I didn't feel pregnant anymore. There were things that just felt different... So, we went into the same ultrasound room that we had been in before (too many times before) and the tech showed us the screen and said "There's the little heartbeat..... oh wait..." And our world crashed all over again.

I remember talking to the doctor after that and being given options - surgery, wait it out, take a pill.... yet I was still in denial. Couldn't the tech have been wrong?

I remember being walked out the back door. I hated that hallway and door. We had been walked out of it too many times. I so desperately wanted to go out the front door, with a smiling face, and not avert my eyes from all the other happy-happy pregnant ladies in the waiting room. I am thankful that they didn't make me parade pass those other women... but I still hated that door.

I remember getting in the car with Matt and just screaming "This cannot be happening again!"

I remember Matt making those phone calls, again, to our family and friends - but this time... they hadn't known we were pregnant.

It took me a month to miscarry that little one when it finally ended with me needing surgery.

And here I am, two days away from being due with a sweet little girl who would never have existed if it weren't for Peanut and Pickle. Especially if not for Pickle.

Pickle was our Christmas miracle baby - one that we had so much hope for. The one that was going to bring us back from the dead, not knock us down all over again. The one who had a big sister looking over him/her in heaven. The one that would have been born on Labor Day weekend.

To my dear sweet Pickle,

We only knew about you for a month - but that month was filled with so much hope, and of course, so many worries. When we saw your heart beating for the first time, it was such a magical sight. I hope you know how very much you were prayed for, how very much you were wanted and loved. And I hope you know how thankful we are for hand picking your little sister for us. As we are just days away from meeting her, I hope you and your big sister are up there looking down on us and making sure everything goes OK. And I hope you know that we will always honor your memory by being the best parents we can be. We are so blessed to have two such special angels in heaven - although you know what we would give to have you in our arms instead. Thank you for all you have taught us this last year, and what you will continue to teach us every day of our lives. We love you so much! And miss you every single day.

Love, Mommy

So, part of me is really hoping that Bug doesn't come today - but if she does, I know that it is because we were meant to have this day turned into a day of happiness, instead of one remembering such sorrow. And if she doesn't come today, then it was meant to stay Pickle's special day.

Still not here

She still isn't here! I am 39 weeks and 2 days and no sign of her yet - besides the cramps I have had for the last 3 weeks. The last two days they have gotten slightly worse, but I still don't know if they count as contractions as they aren't anything really timable. I have also been feeling "off" since yesterday - although I can't explain what "off" means.... and today I have been highly emotional. But that's about it. Hopefully it is soon!!

Update

Hi all - just wanted to update you that I am now 38 weeks and 4 days pregnant, and no sign of this little girl coming.

My last doctor appointment was last Tuesday and as of then, I wasn't dilated, but was 25% effaced. And she was still head down!!! Thank goodness. I did tell my doc though that when he wheeled in the ultrasound, that if he happened to find a butt where a head should be, that I was leaving and there would be no discussions of a version. :) But thank goodness we didn't have to even think about that again.

I have had some cramping, but that's about it. No real contractions. Matt is convinced that she is going to come this Saturday. So, we shall see if he is right. I am still thinking she is going to be a February baby.

We had a nice quiet weekend - went shopping, went out to eat, went to a movie. All things that we are not sure we will be able to do once she gets here (especially cause it is winter!!).

As far as feelings, I am finding that I am less nervous now than I was about the thought of a c-section or version. I am just waiting for the signs that she is coming. And getting anxious for her to get here (getting?? ha! I have been anxious since May 20th when we found out we were pregnant!). We cannot wait for that moment and keep playing the "Will this be our last Sunday without her? What if my water broke right now?" game.

Come on baby girl! We are ready for you!

Our Morning

After not getting much sleep last night due to constantly praying that our little girl would be safe this morning, we got up at 4 am and got ready. I had to call L&D at 5 to see if they were full or if they had room for me. Unfortunately, they had room for me! So we headed up to the base hospital and up to L&D. I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. The room we were in was an actual Labor room.... which was totally overwhelming. The bed side table was set up with an IV and all sorts of lab tubes to draw tons of blood from me (or at least this is what I assumed). The darn monitor was already beeping constantly, and I wasn't even hooked up to it yet. I was told to put on a gown (ugh, those are awful!) and to pee into the little cup. After getting all set, Matt tucked me into the insanely uncomfortable bed and we waited for someone to come in. A nurse and doctor came in with the ultrasound machine and wanted to check our little girl. So, tons of gel later, the doc put the probe on my tummy and just smiled.... "Well, looks like that is a head, down where it needs to be." WHAT?!!! "Yep - you guys get to go home today! Easiest version ever!" That's right - our little stinker wanted to give us a present this morning by showing us that she can meet her deadline, but she will just do it when she is darn good and ready.

I have no idea when she flipped, but yesterday I did feel more pressure in my ribs. I was just thinking that she was jamming her head even farther up there and I really didn't even think the version would work. But, apparently her butt is between my ribs, and that is where the added pressure is coming from. She has her cord all in a neat little pile on my left side (I asked the doc to check to make sure it wasn't around her neck, and she doesn't believe it is).

So, here we go! Now she really can come anytime she want, and we will actually be treated like a normal pregnant person!! I have never been treated that way, but couldn't be happier about this. Now, she just needs to stay down (3% chance that she could move herself again, but then she could always move back too...), and come soon! So we can finally meet this sweet little miracle.

Good day!! :) Two happy parents!

What I am Going to Miss

Today, me and the bug are Full Term!!!

I have been waiting for this day since August 2008. Over two years of prayers for this day. The day where this baby can come at any time, and the chances are in our favor that she will be OK. I have prayed since August 2008 (and for so long before that) for a healthy baby to bring home, and we are so close now.

Having been pregnant 3 times in 2 years makes you truly appreciate things. Yes, there are things about pregnancy I am not going to miss, but I would not trade one of those things for the miracle that is about to come into our lives and arms. I know how blessed we are that we have made it this far and I don't take a single day for granted with her. Every day I thank God for another day with my little, stubborn, baby girl wiggling around inside my belly. And now that we are getting so close to her being in our arms, there are definitely some things about pregnancy that I am going to miss.

For one, I am going to miss having her with me 24/7, no matter where I go. She has been to California, Arizona, Michigan, Ohio, Chicago, all over with me. She comes to the store with me, she watches TV with me, she listens to what I read and we listen to the same music. And I don't have to share her. :)

I am going to miss her kicks and wiggles so very much. Although, seeing her kick and wiggle on the outside is going to be so very magical.

I am going to miss her daddy telling her secrets through my belly - but I cannot wait to see those two together and I know there will be a lifetime of secrets that they will share!

I am going to miss knowing her awake and sleeping cycles when she has no clue what time it is - but I cannot wait to watch her sleeping, and play with her when she is awake. No matter what time that is - I don't care!

I am going to miss hearing her heartbeat on the doppler and seeing her squirm around on the ultrasound screen - but it is going to take my breath away watching her little chest go up and down as she breathes on her own.

I am going to miss my ever growing belly, the heartburn, the nausea, the back ache, and all the other things because those things were reminders that she is there, and she is growing, and she is healthy.

This has been quite a journey to get here here. And there is light at the end of the tunnel. She is so close that I can almost feel her in my arms, picture her in the swing, and hear her tiny little squeaks. I am bursting at the seams with excitement, and nervous as can be. She can come any day now (although, hopefully it isn't tomorrow via an emergency c-section, but if she will be OK, then even that will be fine!). And this mommy and daddy couldn't be more excited, more nervous, or feel more blessed. We can't wait to meet you little Natalie! You are our dream come true!

No Luck

Our little stinker remains a stinker. I had another drs. appt today and she is still very much breech. Despite me hanging upside down, putting ice on my belly, and living at the chiropractors office. So, unless I freak out and change my mind (which isn't unlikely), we are scheduled to go in for the version at 5:30 am on Thursday. THIS Thursday!

And, this Thursday I will be full term. The thought just boggles my mind. I swear we just found out about her and we were scared out of our minds. Now, she is almost here and we are still scared out of our minds. Haha - I guess that is what parenthood is though - constant worry.

So, if you think of it, we could use all the prayers we can get come this Thursday. Prayers that 1) she will have flipped on her own and they will just send me right home. 2) If that doesn't happen, then prayers that she won't put up a fight and will let the doc flip her nice and easily. And that she won't get stressed out from it. 3) That she will be safe n sound and come to us a healthy little girl no matter what route she takes or when she comes. It really is amazing how little anything else in our world matters right now - besides getting her here safely. I don't care how much she weighs, how much hair she has, blue eyes or brown (although brown would be weird since both of us and our families have blue), tall, short, fat, skinny, crying, wants to stay awake and play at night.... I don't care. Just let us bring her home where she can grow and play and do all things that babies and kids are supposed to do.

I will update you later this week to let you know how it goes. In the meantime, I will be at the park, swinging upside down from the monkey bars with an ice pack on my belly! (Not really...)