Letting the Cat Out of the Bag

OK, It has been forever, and to be honest, not sure there is anyone still out there reading... but if you are there, wanted to you know our happy news. We are expecting a little bundle in April!! I am 16 weeks along and so far, things are going well. I bought a doppler so I could ease my nerves in between appts, and love listening to the little heartbeat. This baby is a stinker just like big sister, whenever I find them with their perfect little heartbeat, they kick and move away. haha!

We will hopefully find out in a couple weeks 1) that all is healthy and 2) if we are having a boy or girl. I have had many ultrasounds so far, and all have been great! Baby is measuring a little big, but nothing too big.

I will keep you all (whoever that may be!) posted on our littlest one.

In other news, Natalie is 20 months old (almost 21! Stop it!) and is so sweet. She is a very sensitive little girl. Instead of throwing all out fits when we say no, she just gets really sad and either threatens to cry, or does cry like her world is crumbling. It is hard not to laugh! I much prefer this "tantrum" method over the fits on the floor though. We are getting a routine down, at least for this week! She is down to one nap and it lasts anywhere from 2-3.5 hours! Love it! We are still doing Kindermusik and she really likes it, although is one of the shy girls in class. She waits until all the other kids have the toy before she goes up and gets one. She is just such a sweet little girl. She says too many words to count and pretty much always says please and thank you. She is going to be a great big sister!! She already rocks her puppies, bears, monkey, whatever and wraps them in blankets (prior to body slamming them). We had some family pics taken last weekend so when I get those, I will be sure to post.

:)

Spring is finally here!

Saturday was a little chilly but we spent the whole day yesterday outside. It was so nice. We got all the gardening done, well mostly. We planted all the flowers, Matt put a gate up on the deck so the Bugs can play on the deck now, we planted our veggies in the raised garden and moved the plants that were there to another location. We planted a few blueberry bushes too. I cannot wait for those! We planted cucumbers, squash, pumpkins, green beans, green peppers, pablanos, tomatoes, onions. Lots of fun stuff. Natalie had an absolute ball "helping." She would sit in all the wholes that her daddy was digging or hand us little fistfuls of dirt. So helpful. :) She was covered from head to toe in dirt. We headed over to the sand park for a bit after that and she got to play with her friends and continue to get dirty.

I totally forgot to take any pictures of it - but we should have cause she was so cute.

On a different note - I have been thinking about all of those out there who are really struggling with getting/staying pregnant. I know that this upcoming weekend can be insanely hard, but know that you are just as much a mommy as anyone who has kids walking around on this earth. And remember to go easy on yourself. Two years ago, before we knew we were pregnant with Natalie, the last thing I wanted to do was celebrate Mother's day. But we were moving just a few short weeks later, so we had the whole family over. And, in my head, I just convinced myself it was just another get together... but the knot in my stomach was still there, knowing what could have been...should have been. Just know that there are those of us that are thinking of you. I hope you find your own way to celebrate....

Love to all, Katie

Long Time Gone

 I know, I know - I suck at keeping this blog up to date. I have so many posts that are started, but then was having trouble with posting pics, etc. So, let's do a down and dirty update:

• Natalie is getting SO big. She is 15 months next week (Time - you are not listening! You were supposed to slow down!). I cannot believe it. 
• She is walking everywhere, loves being outside and "talking"
• We have spent a lot of time at the park in our neighborhood and she is the most popular girl there. All the bigger kids want to play with the "baby." She is shy at first but them warms up and loves it. We leave covered in sand! 
• She knows a ton of different signs - milk, all done, more, hat, eat, ....
• She just learned to blow kisses - ahh, love!

April has been a busy, and hard, month. We had two weeks of visitors - grandma and Aunt/Cousin. That was a ton of fun! But in the midst of that, we had to put our very beloved dog down. It was so insanely hard. And I miss her every day. The house is so quiet without her. She had cancer (which we found out in October) and was starting to go downhill fast. She was basically starving to death as she wouldn't eat. And a few days before we put her down, she had a lot of trouble breathing. It was her time... but it doesn't make it any easier. She was the best dog I have ever known and I know Natalie misses her too. For a while, she was still pointing to the door to let her out every morning and then would point to her bowls and say "woof". We got her creamated and are going to spread her ashes in her favorite places this summer.

We also just got back from a trip to DC - me for work, Matt/Natalie to visit some of our BFFs. It was a tough trip, and I don't think they will be traveling with me for a while. Natalie, while she does great on the plane, has a really hard time sleeping in strange beds - thus none of us got any sleep really. And we are still kind of off some...

My angel babies have been on my mind a lot lately - for various reasons.

 And in other news - I just read today that I was nominated by an AWESOME blogger for a blogging award - the Liebster award- which means "beloved" in German. This award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers (thanks to my 27 followers!!!!). If you guys have some free time, go check out her blog - she is SUPER funny and has the cutest boys ever. Betty Tuesdays.

I know I haven't posted in a loooong time, and I have so much to tell you about my big 1 year old. (Her birthday was 2 weeks ago and it was so much fun... I promise to come back later to tell you about that. She is great, and perfect, and getting so big!). Right now though, I want to write about something that happened tonight so that I never, ever, forget...

Buggy and I were at JoAnn's Fabric buying some fabric for this little project I worked on tonight. We were standing in line to get the fabric cut behind a few people, and this little girl walked up to us. She looked up at me with her big eyes and said, "Why do you have a baby?"... interesting question for a little girl to ask... and totally not sure how to answer it. So I kind of stumbled and said... "Well, I guess that is because she just came... because God gave her to us."

She then said "I have a baby in Heaven." ....

I said, "I have babies in Heaven, too."

Little girl, "Do you miss them?"

Me "Yes, every single day."

LG, "ya, me too."... and then she walked back over to her mom and started moving things around on shelves as little kids do.

I was frozen. I looked at her mom and we gave each other the look that only us baby-loss mommies can give. A look that needs no words.

It took everything in me, every single thing in me, not to sit down on the floor of that store and bawl. I teared up, but luckily, I had the cutest little distraction with me who at that point, was dumping raisens all over the store.

When I got in the car, it all came out. And I tell you - this, of all weeks, was the week I needed to hear those words from that sweet little girl. I KNOW with everything in me, that this was not some weird coincidence. This was God, or my babies, talking to me. And, as we have been having a hard time the last few days, this was the exact day that I needed to hear it. I am struggling with saying the reason why we are having a hard time right now, for reasons I don't even understand... but this little girl, she and her little brother/sister in heaven are with me forever now. The little girl with the light up/sparkly shoes and the words that could only come from a child to help heal this heart of mine that has been broken again... Thank you!