How has it possibly been two years since our first baby girl went up to heaven? Some days it seems like just yesterday, other times it feels like it was another lifetime ago. We miss her every day. Every single day. Now that I have finally made it sucessfully through a pregnancy and brought a little baby into this world and home, it makes me even sadder about how very sick my first little girl was. I am still, to this day, so very thankful for her. She is still teaching me things. I remind myself every day how much I prayed for those 3am feedings, the screaming baby in my arms, all of these hard moments we have had in the last 4 months. Peanut still teaches me to love those moments, even when they are hard, when I am crying too cause I just can't get Bug to go to sleep or stop crying... but every time that happens, I stop, look at her, and thank God that she is here. I thank God for giving me two babies before Bug to teach me how to love and cherish each and every moment and milestone. And to realize what a miracle all three of my babies are.
I still have nightmares of the day we lost our little girl. If I think about it - it all comes back, the smell of the doctor's office, the look on their faces at all those excruciating appointments, the gut wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach, I remember it all like it was yesterday. And I also still remember the look on Matt's face that very first time I tolk him I was pregnant, pregnant with our Peanut. She has given us moments we will never forget, good and bad... all of which changed us forever.
We love you sweet little girl. Every day! Thank you for the life lessons, thank you for Bug, thank you for coming into our lives, even if it was for a very short 15 weeks. I hope you are happy up in Heaven! Someday, we will meet.
We love you so very much!
Love, Mommy
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