Weird Thoughts

One of my oldest friends brought up a point that I am not sure I really really realized - I have been pregnant 3 times in 12 months. And I could get down on my knees right now and thank God for that! I have "met" many woman who are not only struggling with losing a baby, but also with infertility. And even though we have been through so much tragedy, one thing that we are blessed with is the fact that we can get pregnant rather easily. And I don't take that responsibility or gift lightly. These women have been through so much, and I have so much empathy for them. It's a club that no one wants to belong to, and I admire them so much for their strength. You women have taught me so much, and continue to teach me, through this journey.

It is really hard to wrap my brain around where we would be right now if everything had gone well with our Peanut. She would have been 8 months old this week. If she were here, I never would have been pregnant (or at least, most likely not) with Pickle. We never would have gotten that surprise on Christmas morning last year. If things had gone differently with Pickle, I would be 7.5 months pregnant - due Labor Day weekend. And obviously, I wouldn't be pregnant with our sweet little Walter - who is 13 weeks old today. Which is such a weird thought to me. Without the two previous pregnancies and the circumstances of those - this baby would have never come into our lives. Wow!

I have promised our little P&P that they will always be a part of our family - and how could they not be? Without them, we wouldn't be where we are. I guarantee we wouldn't be living in Ohio, and I probably wouldn't have the job I do (as the timing of it wouldn't have worked out). And I wouldn't have been blessed to know that Matt and I are able to create multiple lives. These little babies will always be talked about and they will always have their pictures around, and they will always have their own little stocking on our mantel. Some people may think that is weird. But they are a huge part of our story. And they always will be.

And if we are blessed enough to continue this pregnancy to full term and bring home a healthy little bundle of joy, I know that Walter will always know about his/her big siblings. Afterall - I bet they had a part in picking which little baby we got blessed with. Don't you think??
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As a pregnancy update - I am 13 weeks today. Each day is a blessing! Each day I feel little twinges of a growing baby. (No not feeling the baby, but the stretching of my body parts!) I still do not have my labs back from my ultrasound last week, and I am waiting with my breath held. As I will be until the end of January! And maybe then, I will be able to take full breaths and not have constant worry. I am getting better with the worry - but as time goes without seeing the doctor and getting updates, the worry starts to creep back in. But luckily, I have my little doppler and can listen to Walter anytime I want.

We have been so blessed with the notes of congratulations and excitment we have gotten! It has been overwhelming. I already have multiple people wanting to throw a little shower for us or spoil us in other ways. And it makes me cry everytime I think about it. (Happy tears of course.)

And for today, which I have to remind myself of each day, this little baby is with me, going on its second plane ride, and being loved enourmously by all that know about him/her. Even through all the tragedy and pain - we really are lucky! And hopefuly, our luck continues, and we keep getting good news.