Treadmill

This is what my life feels like. But instead of a carrot - I am racing towards getting our baby, yet getting no closer. And I think I look like this little guy too - blood shot eyes, exhausted looking, frantic! Pretty much sums me up.

June will be 22 months of trying for a baby. Twenty Two! Some days I wonder if we should give up for a while, and try again later. Some days I regret not giving in to my hubby's begging to start trying earlier (he has been ready to be a dad since he was 10 - I swear!). Maybe we would have our baby by now if we started 4 years ago...

And then I realize that there is NOTHING I can do about not starting earlier. And that, as one of my dear best friends said to me recently, I can't give up hope either. Some days are just so hard to keep up the faith that this is going to happen though. Especially when I am surrounded by people who didn't know if they wanted children or weren't ready when we started trying, but are now way ahead of us. I know it isn't a race. My rational side knows that. But my emotional side keeps picturing where I should be... all sorts of places besides frantically chasing after a carrot that is not getting any closer.

But someday, I will get that carrot, one way or another. And you better believe I won't be sharing my carrot (OK, maybe with Matt...).