Hope Chest

Matt made me this beautiful cedar chest for Christmas. I wanted a place that was special to put all of the items that we collected for Peanut. Little did I know that a month after I got it, it would be filled with even more things. It is almost to the point where there isn't any room left for it... which pretty much shows how I am feeling. No room left in me for patience or for any more of my heart to be broken.

Ironically, these chests are also called Hope Chests. I don't know the history behind that, but I plan on finding it out at some point. But it is true - the chest is full of all of my hopes and dreams. Hopes of being a mommy. Magazines of possible nursery layouts. Clothes that will never be worn. Picture frames that will be left empty. Books that have only been read up through the first trimester. Pages that only began to be filled with the story that would be my pregnancy with both Peanut and Pickle. Sonogram pictures and pictures of us when we found out we were pregnant. Cards and letter from friends and family - mostly sad ones though. Very few "congratulations."

But at the same time, I try to look at that Hope Chest and be hopeful. That someday we will be able to tell a little brother or sister about their siblings in heaven that are looking down on them. Always watching and protecting. Right now it is hard to imagine that, but we haven't lost all hope. And someday, maybe a nursery will be filled with all of the items that were meant to go into it instead of a cedar chest that sits in our living room. Maybe someday.

For now, we wait though. Wait to say goodbye to our second baby. And hope that someday we will get to hold them up in heaven along with their big sister Peanut....