Sigh

So, I called the doctor's office today just to make sure that what is happening to me is normal. I started bleeding on Friday, and it has gotten a little heavier since then, but not too much... I have some cramping, but not tons. But in general, I just feel blah (could be due to the situation and nothing with my body though)...

So, they want to see me for another ultrasound tomorrow morning. I don't know why but this hit me the wrong way. I don't want another freaking ultrasound!!!! I have had more ultrasounds in my life than most people who have 2, 3, 4 healthy children. I don't want another ultrasound where there is more bad news (this time, possibly telling me I need to take an awful pill or have a D&C). We have had one good ultrasound in our lifetime, which was when we got to see Pickle's heartbeat and all looked well..... ONE good ultrasound out of the 10 or so ones that I have had. I now have a strong aversion to that darn device. Most women are usually so excited to get an ultrasound. Most women think that the one ultrasound they get during their pregnancy is to check the sex of the baby... oh how wrong they are. That is a very minor detail in what the doctor's are looking for. And when you have an ultrasound time after time, you know that isn't a good sign. I am glad we did have them though. I am glad we got to see Pickle alive and moving around. I am glad we got to see Peanut waving to us time after time. But right now, the bad news out weighs the good and I don't want another one!!! So, in the meantime, I am doing everything possible to get this moving so maybe I don't have to go in tomorrow. I know what they are doing is for the best, but to sit in that same bed and look at that same screen again without any good news just doesn't sound like something I want to do on a cold Thursday morning... or any morning.