To the Hospital We Go

To continue on this rollercoaster that is our life right now - yesterday was good and bad. As we were waiting for the news of where Matt would be placed, we were finishing up yet another ultrasound and sitting in the doctor's office waiting to find out my fate. It was such mixed emotions. As we sat there waiting to hear my news, we got Matt's news. We wanted to yell and jump for joy... but at the same time, we were sad and dreading the other news. It was such a weird time. We tried to separate the two though - and yesterday we focused on just being excited for our new adventure in the Air Force.

So, now I wanted to update you with the latest on me. The second round of Cytotec didn't work over the weekend. It did absolutely nothing. The ultrasound showed that there was still "stuff" that needed to come out - but my body isn't cooperating (big surprise). So, I am having a D&C this afternoon. Part of me is happy that this will all be over with and we can begin to heal and get out of this in-between phase. Part of me is mad because we could have done this 4 weeks ago. Part of me is scared of what could potentially happen in the OR today. Part of me is still excited from yesterday and the thought of what is going on hasn't even sunken in. Part of me is starving since I am not allowed to eat today! My doctor will be performing the procedure. Matt was happy to find out that he can actually come to pre-op and recovery with me, unlike last time where they had him practically locked up in a different part of the building. The procedure will be done in my home away from home - my old place of work, a place I am very comfortable in and trust the people around me. So, a lot will be different from last time we went through this, but part of me is taken back to last May. I am trying not to think of that though and just get through the day.

I had a special surprise yesterday. My old co-worker stopped by to visit and to bring us a little gift. I couldn't open it when she was here because I knew it would leave me in a pile of tears, and it did. She had found a blanket, the softest blanket ever, that was made for the "Pickle" in our life. Pickle was written all over it. It made my heart happy. It really showed how much she, and all my other co-workers, care about us by remembering our kooky name for our little one. We now have something with his/her name on it and an acknowledgement that our baby was here - even if it was for all too short of a time. Thank you for that!! I just wish our little one was getting closer to being here so I could snuggle them in the blanket.

Wish me luck today!!! And please pray that nothing goes wrong today.