Next Steps

Well, I tried to avoid my appt this morning, but the nurse and Matt made me go in. Of course it was a waiting room full of happy pregnant women and a few new borns. Yay! I don't think I have ever stared at a fish tank as hard as I did this morning.

Well, after our ultrasound, nothing had changed. The doctor came in and said she really recommends a D&C. But gave us the choice to think about it. We came home and thought and researched and read and talked. I was really uncomfortable with the D&C. Something in me is telling me it isn't the right choice. At least for now. There are higher risks of having a second procedure (since I already had one last year) that could lead to infertility. That is just too final and scary for me.

So, after much debate, we decided to go the medication route. The nurse and doctor kept warning us about the amount of blood that is going to be leaving me... (and prescribed me some Zanax.....) but I think I am prepared. I want to be at home with my hubby instead of being put out in a cold OR again. Matt is on his way to pick up the prescriptions as well as some heavy duty pain killers... and I will take it this afternoon. I am scared, but not as scared as I was at the thought of a D&C. Please pray that all goes well and I won't need to be rushed to the ER or need a D&C afterall. Please pray that Matt is OK through all of this too - he is so worried that something is going to happen to me.

After this is all over and we are ready - the next step is to head to an infertility doctor. Those words are just scary to me... but the doctor's words were "you deserve to have some smiles instead of all of these tears... and hopefully the fertility doctor can give that to you." So - the journey continues....

If you are one of the lucky ones that has an easy time getting pregnant, and each time you get pregnant it means a healthy baby in the end... please thank your lucky stars. There are so many women out there, amazing, very deserving women, who can no longer imagine that life.

To my little baby... I love you. We love you. And tell your big sister that we love her too. And that we miss you both so dearly and had so many wonderful dreams for both of you.... You are both forever in our hearts.