Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my birthday. If you know me, you know how excited I get over birthdays. I love celebrating other's and my own. I usually start planning Matt's way out in advance and usually celebrate it for a week or so. I love making people feel special... but I feel like that part of me is slipping away. Birthdays are one more reminder of the things that I don't have. If life were fair, I would have a 3 month old sitting on my lap tomorrow as I blow out candles. Or I would be telling my parents and siblings that we were pregnant again. But I won't be doing either of those things. I will be reminded though of just another thing that I won't get to do with my babies - celebrate their birthdays. I had so many plans for those, already! (See what I mean about planning ahead?) But my heart breaks that I won't get to bake those cakes or throw those parties or spoil them rotten.

Don't get me wrong - I am blessed that I get to celebrate another birthday. It is just bittersweet. I am thankful that I made it to 28. I am thankful that I get to share it with my parent's, husband, and brother and sis-in-law. I am thankful for all of those things. But there is always, and will always be, two someone's missing from every picture that we take for however many more birthdays we are blessed with. And that makes me sad. That makes me heartbroken.